The bee in my bonnet these past few months..

What is one to do?

When your heart, head and conscience are pulling in different directions, but keep changing their minds?
When there is much to be done, and much unresolved, but no real goal?
When there is still a morass of decisions to be picked through, and the big picture remains elusive?
When getting out of bed is a chore because you don't know where you're going?
When success and failure mean nothing but a change in a path to an unknown destination?

The answer is: you keep going.

Because life doesn't stop..not even if you do. And you may as well be there to watch.
Because there's a chance the damn path leads nowhere, but the scenery'll be nice to photograph.
Because maybe..just maybe..you don't see the big picture because you're in it.
Because there always is a next step, and you'll take it when you have to.
Because there's nothing else that can be done!

translatory trip-ups!

I just got done whining to a friend about how I'm English deprived...I'm still a bit depressed, so here are a few "meh!" instances that I remember from my time in beer, sausage and pretzel land!

Chirpy friend (CF) and I were planning a picnic with some close friends:
CF: So we should meet at 12.
Me: yeah..sounds good.
CF: We need to have some activities planned... (raising voice).. Does anyone have balls?!
Me: *grinning and waiting for the obvious quips*
Everyone else: *silence*
me: sighhhh!

Sign at the Komisches Oper cloak room:

'Please hang yourself here'
(meh!)

Cute guy from some party in a post party email:

So, how does a boy have to do to see you again? I hope you have a realizable answer for that.

(MEH!)


Me: Supervisor dude (SD), I need something from the dark scary basement.
SD: uhh Jaa! I have to go on an exhibition then I can get it.
Me: um..ok (in my head: he probably meant he had to go to some exhibition thing that is taking place on campus and he can get the stuff for me after.) so when can we go get the stuff?
SD: uhh I have time now!
Me: oh ok! lets go!
So I'm expecting to go to an exhibition, but we end up in the basement..and I get my stuff. On the elevator back to lab:
Me: So..where's the exhibition?
SD: That was it!
Me:eh? (then the light went on in my cobwebbed brain- HE MEANT EXPEDITION WHEN HE SAID EXHIBITION!!) er.. of course *grimace*

Big blond dude at party: I've just arrived back from Africa
Me: oh really? what was it like?
Blond dude: Was very disorganised, ja.
Me: yes..I imagine so, but what did you do there? what did you see? what were your impressions?
Blond dude: Ja Ja..it was very disorganised.. and hot.
Me: Ok then! lets talk about the weather!
(German organisation and order FTW)

Greek friend A and I were hanging out:

Me: Want some tea?
A: nay
Me: ok (I pour some tea for myself and sit back down, to find him staring at me) What?
A: where's mine?
Me: you said you didn't want any.
A: no..I said yes..
Me: You said nay!
A: yes.. thats yes in Greek. No is 'okhey'
Me: SAY IT IN ENGLISH!

Italian friend A and I had just walked all over town

A: We're excellent street walkers, right?
me: er..
A: My feel hurt, though..I think I'm going to have to work on my technique
Me: *giggle*

Stupid Questions.. and answers that come to mind but can't really be used..

Things that jogged my memory on this last trip home...

Q. Did you get a haircut? (when my hair is obviously shorter)
A. ..Nope, my pet rats got a bit hungry..
.. No! I can will it back into my scalp!
.. That is such a great way to acknowledge you noticed my haircut..yes.. now cast around for more conversation..

Q. (After forgetting timezones and waking me up at 4 am) Were you asleep?
A. .. 'course not..I dreamt you were gonna call
.. no! I stay up all night waiting for you to call
.. Yaaaawn *grumble*..hang up
..#*&^%#*@#(&^... ?$%^$%&...#$%^$%^^%%^&

Q. (Random acquaintance) You'd better tell me when you choouz a bayfrand, eh?
A. ..um..why? you want test drive aa? keep dreaming!
.. are you undercover Sri Ram Sene then?
.. Boyfriend aa? I got married last year..didn't you know?

Q. But how can you be vegetarian yaar? how? how do you manage?
A. .. #^*$%^$@ %^&%&($%
.. it's the most curious story.. I stepped in cowdung on the forth day after the new moon right after a solstice and this flash of light appeared and instructed me not to eat meat..
..Oh it's easy..I got these spanking new chlorophyll cells..now I don't have to eat at all! just get 8hrs of sunlight.. try it..you'll love it.

Q. Is it true that there are elephants in every indian household?
A. ..Yep..we go to school by elephant..the emissions can be a problem sometimes..
.. uh huh.. haven't you seen the Flintstones? how do you get running water then?


Q. (large matronly semi-stranger) You're not eating enough! Dieting aa?
A. .. yep! I regularly starve myself and try to toss up whatever I eat.. give it a
shot..you'll love it!
.. *giggle* yess aunty, I need to get a good husband no? who'll marry me then?

Q. (annoying acquaintance /relative) RENNNU! *hug hug, kiss kiss, hair ruffle* how are you?
A. .. DONT.TOUCH.ME!
.. I was ok..WAS. Now I'm scarred.
.. *scratch bite punch kick*

Be Specific..

I've been looking for this poem for ages now.. I heard it in high school and forgot who it was by. It's quirky, fun and yet wise.. I'd given up hope, but it finally showed up on a blog (internet, sometimes you disappoint me!).. so here it is

Be Specific by Mauree Applegate

Don't say you saw a bird: you saw a swallow,
Or a great horned owl, a hawk, or oriole.
Don't just tell me that he flew;
That's what any bird can do;
Say he darted, circled, swooped or lifted in the blue.

Don't say the sky behind the bird was pretty;
It was watermelon pink streaked through with gold;
Gold bubbled like a fountain
From a pepperminted mountain
And shone like Persian rugs when they are old.
Don't tell me that the air was sweet with fragrance;
Say it smelled of minted grass and lilac bloom;

Don't say your heart was swinging;
Name the tune that it was singing,
And how the moonlight's neon filled the room.

Don't say the evening creatures all were playing;
Mention tree toad's twanging, screeching fiddle notes,
Picture cricket's constant strumming
To the mass mosquitoes humming
While the frogs are singing bass deep in their throats.


Don't use a word that's good for all the senses
There's a word for every feeling one can feel.
If you want your lines to be terrific;
Then do make your words specific,
For words can paint a picture that's real.

ups and downs..

I'm a borderine facebook addict! I read my news feed at least thrice a day and it never bores me... in fact there's always something that apalls me, something that makes me smile, something that leaves me clueless and something that makes me really happy.. Today's pick, however was extreme enough to be blogworthy..

The low point:

One of my closer fb friends' response to a random blog rant about Sania Mirza's wedding to Shoaib Malik...

Well written - "it is down right disrespectful to your motherland for someone to embrace her sworn enemy whose only aim in life is to destroy her. Shoaib may not represent the Pakistani establishment or the terrorists who carry out bomb blasts in India but let’s not forget that his country does."
Superb!!!

None of my nevermind that the post itself was quite ordinary and echoed one of the million 'news' reports that are undoubtedly still running at primetime back home.. but the quote that he's praising.. It's a ghastly thing to realise that someone you've looked up to would be so narrow minded as to condemn someone as 'disrespectful to (her) motherland' just because she's marrying a Pakistani.. way to stand up for the 'tolerance' that India prides itself on... and more importantly..way to see people as a mass enemy rather than as individuals... one word to say: Uncool!

The high one:

A link posted be one of my favourite people (even before this post)

whoa.

This lifted my spirits after the previous post.. mostly because I'm something of a science junkie and this was one of those over the top things that you're not quite sure you should believe that make science so irresistable... but also because it reassured me that my closest friends are actually who I think they are- progressive thinkers who appreciate real news and things of actual importance enough to post them... folks who wont shatter my illusions with blind declarations of hatred against a nation stemming from a piece of gossip that should be found in some gossip rag. A, dude.. sooperu!

The things that made me smile were some routine silliness by way of status messages.. I ought to do a post on those...i know some very witty folks.. today's pick..

V with Kasab's still alive ? Shoot him already. followed by some typical responses..some corny some politically aware..some both!

What has me confused... 4 peeps that suddenly put up 'married' statuses.. T- you've been married 6 yrs and on FB 2yrs, boss.. Rip Van Winkle syndrome aa? S- engaged is not quite married...wait for it ma. V- you're in high school...this some mad teenager thing? R- whaaa?!

The §$&#*~ing limit!

I've been in the bleak and absolutely disheartening situation of having application after application rejected. I've despaired more than once of the seemingly futile attempts to contact professors, programmes and universities for PhD positions and yes! I know the desperation of the aspiring PhD student. But I had the sense to write proper letters, if and when I wrote to people for advice.. I also had specific questions and tried my best not to be a waste of time... so I really think people that don't extend the same courtesy to me deserve their emails deleted.. and posted here before that..

Here is the pick of the ridiculous emails that have been flooding my inbox the past month..I've changed the names (though these idiots would deserve their names publicised!) I kid you not..this is the kinda crap I've to put up with!

Hai R,

myself thomas i am gladdy that you are pursuestering your phd in the bsrt i do the master in science in botany from mysore university third sem. i want some halp in the knowledge of the application to the bsrt kindly formulate the needful


-hi R....i am glad to know that u r pursuing ur phd over there...i need some help from urside if u can....actually i wanna to make an impressive sop.... bt i dont know the formate....can u tel me ur formate...bye best of luck


Dear madam,
while surfing through net for PhD; i got ur ID and being an indian too i would like to first congrgulate u for ur high ambition and superior mentality and achievement. mam, i  Dr dash, done my graduation in veterinary science and post graduation in veternary pharmacology, presently doing PhD in vety pharmacology and toxicology at westbengal  veterinary university. i am in first semestar of PhD programme. mam, may i request u  do give any idea abut the subject , university, and requirments for applying a PhD progrmaame that wd be suitable to my profile.


I am Y.S from INDIA, completed my Masters in Bioinformatics with 70%(2006-2008), and also did my advance course in bioinformatics at Indian Institute of Chemical Technology. I have one International paper publication too. Actually I have applied to so many Universities in Germany for PhD...but always my application is getting unsuccessful.. I have been trying from APRIL 2009..I am trying very hardly but I am not getting PhD..I have keen interest to do PhD...I send more than 65 applications....But still I am getting failures....so...could you please please help me how to get PhD....Please  please  help me friends......


Myself CV. I am CV, currently pursuing M.Sc (Drug discovery) from Univ of London. I am about to complete my Masters in sept - 09. Presently carrying out research project at UCL. My bachelors is in medicine from India.
I am currently working on Biological project and want to continue to stay in the field of biological science. I came across ur university and im quite interested to know more about it.
So how is it wortful to apply as they may think i am from different backgroung and what may be the chances to get in to the programme.
Awaiting for your kind reply. Please provide ur respectful suggestion or advice.

Respected Mam..

I am BIOTECHNOLOGY postgraduate searching for Ph.D in your LABORATORY . I have well hands on experience in BIOTECHNOLOGY Laboratory skills

and i am interested in any field in your LABORATORY. i have registerd in your WEBSITE so please help to find the ONLINE application form

So please see MAIL me..

Hi
I'm ss ,
I'm applying to XYZ for PhD.
Im feeling application form as well.so can u guide me which 3 research projects i prefer,
I get to know about u from PhD students link from XYZ.
Kindly waiting for u r reply
faithfully,

hellow mam My self T.R completed my M.S in Biochemistry, working as a project fellow, sir i wan to develop my self in research so please help me,. sir please find the attachment file for further need full action. sir my two papers are in prosses to sent to article or jorunal.mam can please help me. plzzzzzzzzz

Regards

--

Yup! the average PhD student's woes go far beyond the frustrations of failed experiments. A response to all these guys.. I feel for you..I really do! but if you want any help, you'd do well to improve your language and pick a better recipient!

food forage..

Right! I'm not too happy with that title, but since I can't do better, we'll let it slide. Anyways.. it's now 22.40 hours on a Saturday.. and my most recent blog-worthy incident is 40 minutes old and in the process of being digested.. here's the recap...

So.. I surfaced at 22.00 hrs (from a long and gruesome paper involving horrific cruelty to mice) acutely aware of my rumbling tummy.. A quick survey of my supplies turned up one large potato and a small onion. A quick wack on the forehead and 'Renu, you fool! you were supposed to do a grocery run today!' later I'd pooled my resources and gathered the makings for Kartoffelpuffer..german potato pancakes.

Here's a pictorial of the process...

 

..And in a record time of 15 minutes, the above progress was planned, executed and in a further 10, consumed!

The verdict: Burp!

Growing-up pains..

I hate being an adult!

I resent the responsibility, the sudden sense of emotional isolation, the change in interpersonal dynamics and all the bizzare expectations that go with being one.

I can't believe I always wanted to be one and that some perverse part of me likes it!

Glory Glory LEEDS united!!

All right! Jermaine Beckford!!

I'll admit I've only watched a few of Leeds' games..and only because I lived there and the guy I was then (embarassingly) semi-crushing on was a die hard fan and kept inviting me along. I'll also admit my knowledge of football..esp. current football is limited to snippets from the newspaper and heresay from friends.. but I am absolutely thrilled by this.

Write it off as you will..to recovering players, injuries, bad luck, planetary transitions..whatever! Fact is the red devils were beaten...by a league one side. While ManU losing always gives me a perverse thrill (a ten year long peeve, that) what really pleases me is the attention Leeds is now getting.. I always thought they deserved better than tier 3.. hopefully this goes some way in changing that.Naievete and foolish optimism? probably..but where would one be without them?

cooking up storms..

It's winter! (mostly) fake yuletide cheer time.. All the stupid potluck things have started..and those of us with the gift of brown skin in vella-kaaran land are expected to come up with 'exotisches indisches' celebration food. One such do is happening later today and my friend V in all his enthusiasm volunteered us to make something... We decided on 'Suji ka Halwa'..'Kesri Baath' to me..because it was easy to make.. and pulled it off pretty well in the end.

The process, however, was a traumatizing experience..for me and my me-accustomed kitchen. V is what I now refer to as a method retard.. he messed up my kitchen..stirred the suji so it slopped all over the stove..and burnt itself in place.. sent some of it flying to the previously clean, mopped floor, used all the clean utensils and ladles he could reach, dumped the drippy stirring spoon on every available clean surface and generally forced me to enter a state of suspended conciousness just to keep from braining him with a suji coated saucepan.. and I repressed my homicidal side by alternately shoving him out and stirring for a bit till he popped back in..and spacing out to other times I've cooked with someone else while he abused my poor kitchen..

Amma... I imagine my mother feels a similar horror and remorse for her kitchen when I decide to cook. Cooking sessions with Amma were and still are (to a lesser extent now) revelations.

 I'd start off thinking 'that looks simple..and I've watched her make it for..like..ever..I can handle this' two minutes into the recipe.. I'd be like 'maaa!' and she'd turn to me looking resigned, encouraging, proud of my effort and a smidgeon smug (as only mothers can) and tell me exactly what was amiss..it's scary.. I really hope someday I'm as good at her..at my job if not cooking. While it's fun kitchening ( prepping, cooking, cleaning up) whith her, her inner management-conscience doesn't permit her to not-correct..she'll try really hard to let me muddle through it on my sloppy own but will eventually cave and offer some ( usually credible) suggestion. I pretty much always feel a bit embarassed and a tad disgruntled and react to it in one of 4 ways- I'll silently do what she says and leave it be; - I'll glare and continue doing it wrong; - I'll dump it down and say 'you do it!' and storm out or I'll pause, demand she let me do it on my own, throw in some crap about not having her experience, and do what she asked me too, with one part of me smirking at the other..
That made me sentimental and goofy, but I still wanted to cry with my kitchen... so..onto the next..

Sandy.. Cooking with Sandy's one of the funnest thing to do on the domesticity list... from childhood 'chinese' cook-fests to baking trials that almost ended up in electrocution.

Now, both of us being wiser, we have this pattern. We discuss, start to cook..improvise to include cravings, continue with discussions, screaming and maniacal laughter and end up with a fairly decent meal..normally comprising corn, chilly, fried stuff and cheese... and leave the kitchen a mess that neither of us want to think about. Then her OCD makes her go back and clean..and I end up helping...which means I clean out a space on the counter for my butt and talk/tease/sing while she does the cleaning.

I never got out of the cleaning in the winter cooking sessions with T and S back in Yingland, though. T and I were alike..cooking temperament wise.

 We'd get things started and clean up while we cooked..and us being housemates..that was a good thing all round. Our sessions always ended with a hot and usually brilliant meal and a clean kitchen and even tempers (I'm making this sound like something else now..damnit y'all..focus!) but sometimes S would show up.. she was one of those people that literally and metaphorically sticks her finger into every..well.. subzi, sambhar or payasam... throw in a pseudo friendly, incessant high pitched chatter and you had the perfect murder scene. T and I stayed outta jail though..just shows the power of a homecooked meal.

I was beginning to think V's low score on my kitchen compatibility scale was a result of the y chromosome but my most recent cooking experience..with R who's visiting me for new years..forces me to reevaluate..

not only is R extremely efficient in the kitchen..he's so bloody darn good, I could fall back on the old setting the table and doing the dishes routine.. code for Renu's patented wriggling out of work and doodling..

So all in all..my best cooking experiences amount to me either being alone..or not actually cooking!

Lab-rats in the Caribbean

Yo maan!

I just got back from the Caribbean...and can't seem to sleep.. since that's very disturbing..me being me, who's normally able to sleep anywhere and anytime irrespective of jetlag or prior napping. I've decided to take my mind off it and write this out...besides, there's the added benefit of reliving my week of absolute beach-bum bliss!

So.. it all started when my labmate Karolina and I decided to apply for a travel grant to attend this stem cell biology conference in Antigua. We didn't really expect to get it..being only a few months old in the field and all..but figured it was worth a shot.. so a few hurried experiments, data compilation and 2-page long essay application later we were informed that we'd bagged the grant. A lot of jumping and screaming, high fives, jealous colleagues, reams of visa and ticketing paperwork (the crappiest thing about being Indian is that you need a visa to visit even a tiny little speck-on-the-map island) more hurried experiments, piles of data, a ridiculously time consuming poster, hurried shopping and packing and 3 months later we were on a plane headed to the V C Bird international airport, Antigua.. 4 days before the start of the conference.

Antigua's hot and humid as can be expected of a sub tropical island- Air so humid it's like inhaling steam, the faint tang of salt water, fish and seaweed, heat that weighs on you so you feel like you're dressed for winter, and the cacophony of insects, birds, lizards (bleah..shudder) and frogs. There was a ridiculous number of horrid, leaping lizards..and Karolina was so taken by them she took a million pics!
                                                                         
 The people were laid back and relaxed..it took a while to get used to the accent and cadence but once we learnt to ignore the ' oh mah lordy' and 'sweet gawd' and 'darlin' and 'lurve' that appear several times in a sentence, the english was pretty easy to understand. They're quite friendly and helpful and we never felt unsafe and had a really good time.

The Capital- St Johns had a definite Indian small town feel to it... in fact I felt like I was back in Adugodi or someplace. Narrow roads half blocked because of parked vehicles, random vehicles of different makes and sizes...awful drivers, roadside vendors selling pirated DVDs, confused looking  tourists, public buses that drove you to your destination..be it your resort or the closest vegetarian restaurant.. if you fluttered your eyelashes and looked bit helpless. We visited the local fruit and veg market and tried out the famed Black Pineapple- major letdown- it wasn't even remotely black and I've definitely eaten sweeter ones back home! But Karolina was enchanted! Europeans..bah!

We hit a new beach everyday.. sometimes several..Antigua's supposed to have 365 beaches, so there was plenty to choose from.. each was different..in the texture of sand, type of shells, the presence or absence of birds, the colour of water, the depth, the waves..the clouds, the shade,the foliage, even the way sun hit the water!..you get the picture..several subtle differences adding up. Naturally we had the time of our lives just laying about, talking to the occasional passer by, wading, lazing.

 

 Apart from taking advantage of the beach and ending up " browned like breakfast bacon" as an amused friend pointed out, we took full advantage of the unlimited food and drink included at the resort where the conference took place. The rooms were great and  had a great view of the sea.. we faintly regretted the fact that we only used them to sleep in. We attended..very reluctantly.. the talks and grudgingly stood by our posters for 3 excruciating question and mosquito filled hours a day.. I visited the secondary rainforests where they have 'zip lines'- steel ropes spanning gorges, ravines and such, at canopy level, to which you're harnessed and can..well zip across. Had the best time.. was a pity I couldn't take pictures..but there was the danger of being distracted taking pictures and smashing into a tree.. also, I FINALLY tried jet skis..was so much fun! definitely a repeater!

All in all a brilliant trip..looking forward to the rest :D

The BIG little things...

Little things that gave scientist-me a major thrill... before they became tedious routine or just a *+§$§~#* pain ..

-  Feeling my first endothermic reaction... the tube cooled up..I couldn't let go!
-  My first colour reaction... something with iodene and starch....reddish to blue-black..everyone went 'ooooh'.. I looked cool..but was doing cartwheels inside :D
- Fixing and staining *pathogenic* bacteria for the first time
-  Focusing my first microscope..on aforementioned bacteria
- Figuring out how to manipulate data...and be realistic!
- My first record...zoology..it's a work of art!
- Sectioning onion roots and microscoping 'em FTFT (for the first time!)
- Poking myself to get a blood typing sample...I'm still proud of me!
- Watching little bits of stem grow into little plants in tubes.
- Running the HPLC and Mass spec.. all them tubes and things..
- The defining moment...Growing my first cells- G292 osteosarcoma cells.. labelling the flask with my name!
- Watching the G292s detach when I trp-digest them.... gets me everytime..it's still fun!
- My first contamination.
- Getting my own brand new set of pipettes.. with my name on them.
- Isolating cells from gory bits of bone.. and watching the cells grow *sniff* I'm so proud!
- *hoping* something useful comes of every experiment I start...

Urlaub in der Schweiz..

Drumroll! Fanfare!! I'm back from my first ever shlep out of Berlin. Took the very bold and more difficult than I thought decision of abandoning my cells for 4 days and catching a flight to Zurich..and man! was it worth it.

The flight from Tegel to Kloten was pretty uneventful.. well..except that I discovered Air Berlin serves you a sandwich and a Snickers bar for free..despite being a budget airline.. pretty neat start to a vacation eh?  The inevitable OPK (other peoples' kid..the loud obnoxious kind.) was there...screaming..but I pretty much slept through it..and an hour later I was in Zurich. Airport procedure was relatively smooth...blah blah.

R was supposed to meet me at the airport.. he did.. just a bit late! Not that much of a surprise...I doubt that between the two of us we've ever met on time for anything.. Doodled a bit at the ticket vending machine..figured out what tickets we needed..kind of.. and took the half hour tram ride to Seilbahn Rigiblick (SweizerDeutsch: cable car mountain view... because you can see the Alps from there on a clear day).. There's a pic of the daft confusing ticket vending thing..with the name of the station.... I love the name Rigiblick...sounds like something you'd call a hyperexcitable puppy!

 The next four days passed in happy oblivion... I wandered around in the old city... got a week pass for the public transport... Was really impressed by the fact that the ticket is valid for any 7 day that you validate it for not for 7 consecutive days like in Germany.

So.. the highlights of my happy-oblivionness... getting up late to the nicest view.. and not feeling guilty about being late for lab!

 

R and I fed the swans on lake Zurich every single day... with loaves..yes..loaves in plural!..of brot (bread!) we bought specially for them from CoOp city..It's not like I lurve swans or anything..i think they're freaky.. but we got a huge kick out of starting swan feeding frenzies..  pic below.. I got bitten while starting one of these.. this great nasty swan plucked the bread out of my hands..and nipped my fingers in the process..

                    

We also discovered that if you drop bits of bread on a swan's back, the foolish thing won't realise..and will soon have a flock of it's yeobirds pecking at it.... hilarious to watch...particularly if you pick the biggest meanest swan..

The ducks at that part of the lake were particularly fiesty... they'd zip in from nowhere and steal bread from under the swans' long s-shaped necks! This one particular red eyed, croaky voiced duck we'd nicknamed psycho-duck crapped a tonne into the lake in front of us...and turned the clear wated a murky green for a few hilarious minutes...

 

 Oh! and there were there moorhen things  that made whoopy noices and these reeeallly noisy..squaky screechy gulls...

Sprungli was another MAJOR treat... I did a Heiße Schoki there....

and the store was one of my fondest chocolate/pastry fantasies. I later ate these cream centered, melt-in-your-mouth mini pastrie things called Luxembourglis... shlurp..I can say no more!

The touristy things about Zurich can me found anywhere on the great wide net... I'd say the cathedral and the various museums are definitely worth a visit... And since this is starting to make me want to go back, I'm going to stop here!

How come...

(questions I've had for as long as I can remember.. hopefully some will get answered here..)

..People dont see the beauty of snakes and crocs?
..I want to believe people when they say 'everything'll be alright' but I can't?
..I feel obliged to hold on to principles I don't believe in?
..There's never the right quantity of media in the tube so I keep having to refill?
..My mum's always right?
..I'm always too early of a bit late for things..never comfortably on time?
..Other folks are late if I'm on time?
..My super's there when I'm cleaning the bench but not when I'm working?
..My old friends never go (physically go!) with me when I move to a new place?

..There's ALWAYS a whining/sugar high/ bawling child in close proximity when I travel?
..Most of my childhood daydreams involved talking animals?!
..Mundane nonsense qualifies as small talk?
..Nobody can see my invisible alligator anymore?
.. Aforementioned child ALWAYS has a leaky nose and always finds it's way to me?
..I rarely ever eat enough..it's mostly too much or somethimes too less.
..Other folks can tell when I'm hungry but I can't?!
..It never rains when I can afford to lay in bed and loll?
..The jerk that knocked me off my bike hasn't received retribution?

..It takes so long to make friends?

South India- a primer

Seeing as this post will probably put several backs up..I'll apologise for any insensitivity in the upcoming blog. I'll also warn you not to read any further if you can't take a wack sense of humor.. if you can... haveits..for some of the non south indian folks I've had the (mis)fortune of meeting.. South India..a brief intro:

1. The 'South' comprises 4 states - Andhra Pradesh, Karnataka, Tamil Nadu and Kerala... it's not one blob of land called Madras.

2. Madras WAS the capital of Tamil Nadu... any Indian hailing from a place south of Maharashtra is NOT a 'Madrasi'.. in fact, the term's obsolete seeing as Madras doesn't exist anymore... refering to someone as that makes you deserving of a good hard foot stomp!

3. Do NOT tell someone who tells you she's Tamilian she doesn't 'look' like a south indian... if she's been pushed as far as I've been she might poke you in the eye! We're not clones!

4. When in South India, do not eat north indian food...if you must, dont whine that it's 'not like in dilli or bambai yaar' Of course it's not! This is not Dilli or Bambai, saar!

5. Idli and Dosai are eaten dipped in chutney or sambhar.. if you want to bite into the idlies first and drink the sambhar separately, go ahead.. just dont judge us when we bite into pani puris instead of shoving them into our mouths whole or eat puris with thenginkai chutney!

6. Do not insist on talking to us in Hindi! If we reply in another language it means we think we dont need to know it or/ and we dont want to speak it.. speak english..or the local language... or mime!

7. If you're thinking about starting a tirade of how horrible the south is..shut the hell up..we dint ask you to come here.. but you did..AND you overpaid and ruined our auto annas and velaikaara akkas.. adapt or get lost.

8. Don't smirk too much at 'South Indian' English... we pretend not to notice the fact that you say yaar after every sentence, is it naat so?

9. DO NOT be rude to staff, be a loud nuisance in public places and talk to bus conductors in Hindi!

10. Just because we dont shout every sentence and make a spectacle of ourselves, doesn't mean we're boring...just civilised!

and last but naat least...

Enjaai maadi swamy!

Shitty things that happened to me this week...

- my first mouse practical... involved murdering, skinning, disemboweling, dismembering and gouging out the eyes of BABY mices ( sob)

- I watched a scientist work with an undead (killed but flapping and flailing) chicken (i'm scarred for life!)

- two of the experiments for which we murdered the mices ( I know the plural of mouse is mice.. this is said meeses...it's personal..see?) screwed us over

-sauce from my falafel dripped all over my pants this morning..looked like the undead chicken had diarrhoea on me...or worse!

- We fought!

- The darn cells from the month long experiments were't enough!!

- it started to pour just as i got out of the station to walk 10 min to lab... I was late! and i didn't have an umbrella!!

- The Feta ruined my falafel... I paid 30c more for it!

- The darn store was out of lemon tea... have to make do with peach.

-My timer died..in the middle of a a very time dependent experiment!

- The mensa (cafeteria..geez!) at the practical course place sucks! I had to eat mashed potato with herbed curd for lunch..three days in a row.. yeuch!

- I had to shop! for clothes!!

(old unpublished posts 3)I admire and super-like people who....

- do nice things without expecting anything in return

- really listen without interupting

- talk softly

-are genuinely sad when things go badly for others

- can be uninhibited anywhere ( think making cuckoo noises in forum food court or singing the hokey pokey in the elevator)

- that are there for me even when they aren't physically there.

-say things straight out instead of hinting

-don't need the spotlight all the time

-can appreciate Vadivelu comedy as well as Wodehouse

-see the appeal of a rainy day

-dont mind being dopey when the occasion calls for it

-enjoy feeding the ducks at the park, playing with stray puppies, smiling at unsmiling passers by and dont pretend otherwise.

-dont mask their enthusiasm for silly stuff..like cotton candy and fake basketball

Amma, Appa, Sandy, Snup, Mil, Rats... big fat hug!!

(old unpublished posts 2)I absolutely hate it when people....

- sip (shlurp, drool backwash) from my water bottle.. no really.. it's gross! besides.. i'm carrying it for me..get your own! if it's a life and death situation then the least you can do is pour it in your mouth the way pakkathu veetu maami drinks filter kaapi.

- ask for a 'bite from my ice cream' or stick their forks in my food.. would you like it if i spat in your food?! because thats pretty much what you're doing!

-Are over familiar...woman! just because you think you're 'close frennds' with my folks doesn't mean it's ok to ask me about my 'baay frend' and alcohol preferences at family events.

-act like they know things to get info out of people.. ' so, what's going on with M (aside: there's a huge juicy scandal there!! tell!!)'... me: he' ok ( aside: miner alert!!)

- drag me shopping and expect me to have an opinion on the texture, shade and style of pink pleather bags... really..all you're gonna get from me is 'It's pink!'

-work/walk slowly and ask me why i'm hurrying... buck up..the sooner we finish the sooner i can go home and rant on my blog!

- use my stuff and tell me later..' oh D..i used those reagents you made... i hope it's ok!'.. well..they're gone now aren't they? make me more!

- describe me as cute..listen, fool.. little dogs, cats and monkeys are cute..if you cant think of a better word, shut up!

- who dont really know me badger me about my love life!!

Random person (RP): "so, D any thing special going on? "

me: " yeah.. we did whole skeletal preps today and my viral system's wor.."

RP (cutting me off): No no..i mean anything speshhul..y'know (wink, grin) anyone?

me ( knee jerk coldness): umm.. not really..oh sorry..i gotta go..

- say 'I'll call you back' and never call... if you want to end a conversation say 'bye'..it's wrong to lie..remember?

Phew...all done!

(written earlier, never published series...part 1)'Breaking news?!' gimme a break!

I spent a few hours checking out indian news channels online during the recent swearing in ceremony of Dr Singh.. and seriously.. if I hear/see one more ' Singh is King' in connection with our prime minister I will.. well.. I'll want to stomp really hard on the resposible party's foot.. but I'll probable just continue to seethe..
Seriously people.. stop! firstly.. why the obsessive use of some crappy, not-really-worth-remembering movie's name? It's just irritating to have that stupid phrase and even more stupid picture tossed in one's face, just as one starts to think it'll stay in the dim distant past where it belongs! Secondly.. The 'Singh' in question here is our prime minister..a little respect, please! Those ridiculous photoshopped pictures are plain revolting. Third.. ripping off movie titles and using them is just lame..how come news channels use them? aren't our journalists above using ridiculous movie titles for headlines? seriously.. who'd actually go for that nonsense?

Bye, Bangalore

The visa's arrived, most of the shopping's done, all the arrangements are in place, my room's in the process of being cleaned out (and resembles a burglary-site) and the sight of the huge black suitcases on my bed and floor are setting off these happy-apprehensive-sad waves in my stomach! I'm leaving Monday... this is probably it.. the point where I cross into the complete independence and resposibilities that go with being an adult. And as I formally grow up, it seems only right that I acknowledge all the folk that made my journey thus far worth it! So here goes..
Amma.. Thanks for being there, no matter what. For lifting me when i was down and grounding me when I started to be an ass.. For the security of knowing I'll always be able to laugh or cry to you and not have to explain. and for never ever letting me doubt my worth.
Appa.. Thank you..for being my rock. For never pressuring me. For backing me no matter what. For spoiling me rotten..and never giving up on me..even when I was being a self absorbed jerk.. For giving me everything I needed before I realised I needed it.. for being you!
Sandy.. For being friend, sister, confidante, shoulder to cry on and the bestest funnest ever company whenever I needed!
Kannan and Anand.. for being the ferpect 'gang mates'
The rest of the family.. For all the lurv!
Gerry.. For all the odd, even and aww times..
Ani, Rats, Mil, Friya and Vibs.. For being there even when you're not.. y'know..
Ravi n Goobe- for the same thing, only much much longer
Ini, Bin, Flo n Nit.. For a special brand of fun..
For everyone else that deserves mention but hasn't been on account of my laziness..

PS.. no..I'm not dying..and neither are any of these folks.. just a bizzare need for drama and sentiment!