South India- a primer

Seeing as this post will probably put several backs up..I'll apologise for any insensitivity in the upcoming blog. I'll also warn you not to read any further if you can't take a wack sense of humor.. if you can... haveits..for some of the non south indian folks I've had the (mis)fortune of meeting.. South India..a brief intro:

1. The 'South' comprises 4 states - Andhra Pradesh, Karnataka, Tamil Nadu and Kerala... it's not one blob of land called Madras.

2. Madras WAS the capital of Tamil Nadu... any Indian hailing from a place south of Maharashtra is NOT a 'Madrasi'.. in fact, the term's obsolete seeing as Madras doesn't exist anymore... refering to someone as that makes you deserving of a good hard foot stomp!

3. Do NOT tell someone who tells you she's Tamilian she doesn't 'look' like a south indian... if she's been pushed as far as I've been she might poke you in the eye! We're not clones!

4. When in South India, do not eat north indian food...if you must, dont whine that it's 'not like in dilli or bambai yaar' Of course it's not! This is not Dilli or Bambai, saar!

5. Idli and Dosai are eaten dipped in chutney or sambhar.. if you want to bite into the idlies first and drink the sambhar separately, go ahead.. just dont judge us when we bite into pani puris instead of shoving them into our mouths whole or eat puris with thenginkai chutney!

6. Do not insist on talking to us in Hindi! If we reply in another language it means we think we dont need to know it or/ and we dont want to speak it.. speak english..or the local language... or mime!

7. If you're thinking about starting a tirade of how horrible the south is..shut the hell up..we dint ask you to come here.. but you did..AND you overpaid and ruined our auto annas and velaikaara akkas.. adapt or get lost.

8. Don't smirk too much at 'South Indian' English... we pretend not to notice the fact that you say yaar after every sentence, is it naat so?

9. DO NOT be rude to staff, be a loud nuisance in public places and talk to bus conductors in Hindi!

10. Just because we dont shout every sentence and make a spectacle of ourselves, doesn't mean we're boring...just civilised!

and last but naat least...

Enjaai maadi swamy!

spirituality...erm..

Just got back from one of them extended family things in the land of my roots (a fourth of them at least). I'm still in shock! However did those roots of mine manage to cram that many temples..and each with a history and a significance ('Visesham' for those who have mothers/aunts/grans like mine) into one tiny 200 sq km area? And WHY?! Why respected forbears why?!! Could you not make do with one or two humongous temples for worship n'all?

The stay in Tiruchirapalli resurrected..and killed my spiritual side! We’ll start with the resurrection.. I absolutely loved the temple in the mallakottai fort. It wasn't at all crowded, the cross ventilation was brilliant, the view awesome, and the silence..dear god! The silence. I jSo while Amma and Periamma whizzed around looking at deities and telling each other of the miraculous phenomena that had happened at each spot, which I'm absolutely sure they knew before, I wandered around looking at the carvings, the pillars, the windows, the view from them. Tried to read the legends that were painted on the walls..some of them stories paati'd told me while I was still in 2-pigtails and frill frocks..some new ones that I'm gonna hit the nephews with if they ever ask for stories. Eventually I ended up in front of the main 'sannidhi'- Maybe it was the low tamil chanting and the breeze and the smell of incense, maybe it was what periamma refers to as 'vibrations' maybe it was just me, but something changed there. In that time I could actually believe, without qualification, without the smallest doubt that there is a god. Not that I can justify my reasoning..but just then there was no need..there was just me and this comfortable awareness.

But all that died a violent death in an hour when we went to the Srirangam temple. The architecture and the artwork was magnificent… but the crowd..it was a circus! It's just beyond me how people can believe that taking a look at the deity..after stepping painfully on countless feet, elbowing people, shoving kids around and generally risking asphyxiation in the sweat/elephant dung/rancid coconut/bat smelling crowd.. is going to benefit them..really!

So.. in retrospect.. I think my spiritual side's there.. it's rather reticent..but there nevertheless!